Saturday, April 30, 2016

Magic turds anger

Stourbridge News: Magician can't believe his eyes as poo seeps through his ceiling

That's not sewage, it's the ghostly ectoplasm of Paul Daniels, you fool.

Spotter's Badge: Alex

Playground vandalism anger

Essex Echo: Local ingrates vandalise playground just two weeks after it was unveiled

Kids grow up quickly in Essex, don't they?

Spotter's Badge: Justin

Saxon long-house anger

Norwich Evening News: Kiddiewinks sad as arsonists set fire to their school project Saxon long-house

The head teacher's upset too - that classroom was going to house a bunch of year 7s next term.

Spotter's Badge: Siofra, Dave

Friday, April 29, 2016

Got the wrong Birmingham anger (plus follow-up)

Birmingham Mail: Couple lose their dream Las Vegas holiday because they booked their flights from Birmingham, Alabama instead of Birmingham, UK

This is the kind of Jeremy Kyle level idiocy upon which this country is built. Well done. Well done, everybody.

Spotter's Badge: Adam, Everybody

But wait, what's this coming up on the blind side? 

Coventry Telegraph: Wrong airport couple given a free Vegas holiday by Virgin in what is not - NOT - a publicity stunt

Well, shit on that --- where's my free holiday, Virgin?

This is how we ended up making celebrities out of TOWIE and Geordie Shore.

Spotter's Badge: Rob R

Car wash anger

Portsmouth News: Woman claims hand car wash workers snapped her car key

Amount of sympathy shown in the comments: Zero

Spotter's Badge: Kenn, Jonathan

House hit by lightning smugness

Great Yarmouth Mercury: 'It was like a war zone,' says man who helped get two people out of a house struck by lightning

Camo jacket. Story to tell. Like a proper war zone.

"When I got to the house, the adrenaline just kicked in. I wasn’t worried about me, I was worried about the people inside."

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Smoking on the beach anger

Mordialloc Chelsea Leader: Beachgoers urged to 'Beat the Butt' 

Heh. Beat the butt.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Huge pothole anger

Bury Times: Business owner, large duck, want large pothole filled in

The one person you'd expect to be in hi-viz - the local councillor - hasn't got her hi-viz. Poor show.

Spotter's Badge: Paul

Motor trade red line anger

Bexley News Shopper: Long-established car sales company says it will go out of business if council paints double red lines across the front of its forecourt

In which one of the commenters tries a cheap "Would you buy a used car from these men?" gag and gets taken to the cleaners by the tough-looking guy on the right.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Little Mix anger

Chronicle Live: Small person discovers the cruel reality of going to a concert and not being able to see anything

I've seen the tops of the heads of some of the finest musicians in the world. And Status Quo.

Spotter's Badge: Michael

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Rubbish biscuits anger

Daily Advertiser: Woman complains that there are only 'crappy' orange creams left in her work tea room

Biscuits? As a result of a Freedom of Information request, we're no longer allowed biscuits.

Spotter's Badge: Dan

Litter picking council jobsworth anger

Kent Online: Litter-picking volunteer told he can't leave the rubbish he's collected at the local tip

You sneak it into a neighbour's bin in the dead of night. Everybody knows that.

Spotter's Badge: Gabby

Missing Eurovision hoodie anger

Newark Advertiser: Couple furious after Royal Mail collection office gives their Eurovision Song Contest merchandise to the wrong person

And they had it specially made to cope with their freakishly long arms, too.

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Ice cream van innocent until proven guilty anger

Liverpool Echo: Ice cream man loses his licence after (allegedly) running somebody over

Not running people over is probably the minimum standard for ice cream vanning.

However, he's also accused of using foul and abusive language ("No you can't have pissing hundreds and thousands"), selling cigarettes and - worst of all - chiming out of hours.

Spotter's Badge: Mal

Slow speed intenet anger

East Anglia Daily Times: No high speed internet for this chap, even though cabinet is outside his house

That's not an internet cabinet, they're bins. Dial up for you, sir.

Spotter's Badge: Mark, DH

Gardener's World anger

Edinburgh Evening News: Gardeners angry at the BBC for bumping Gardener's World for snooker

They're bumping it for a three-hour special on watching paint dry next week

Spotter's Badge: Richard

Rats in next door's kitchen, what am I gonna do anger

Southampton Daily Echo: Man counts at least 100 rats coming out of the hovel next door

And jdging by the numbers of [deleted] in the comments section, no prizes for who the readers are blaming for this situation.

Spotter's Badge: Mick

Monday, April 25, 2016

Mouse ate my Battenberg cake anger

Chronicle Live: Customer 'exceedingly angry' after mouse eats his Mr Kipling cake

See what they did with the headline there?

Spotter's Badge: Ian, V, Everybody

New Zealand mobile phone coverage anger

Sun Live: Mobile phone coverage is patchy in some parts in NZ

She's not scratching her head in confusion, she has fleas*

* Lie. She is IN FACT scratching her head in confusion

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Grimsby not in bloom anger

Grimsby Telegraph: This year's Grimsby in Bloom display likely to be Grimsby in DOOM due to lack of sponsors

See this flower made from the roughly cut lid of a catering-sized tin of pineapples? Guess where it's going...

Factory site anger

Derby Telegraph: Old factory site could be bought by council to become homes

The Pet Shop Boys haven't aged well.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

My wife ran off with that bloke off the television anger

Liverpool Echo: Dear God, please send down a plague to smite Robson Green. Amen

Sounds fair.

Spotter's Badge: Mal

Richard Madeley drone Twitter mob anger

Plymouth Herald: Drone owner demands apology from TV's Richard Madeley for chasing him down the road in his boxer shorts

New tag: Angry people demanding an apology from Richard Madeley, because I think it might get a lot of use.

Spotter's Badge: Hazel

Urban guerillas think of the kiddiewinks anger

Carlisle News and Star: Bed shop owner worried that the local kiddiewinks might hurt themselves playing on scaffolding around derelict building

Simply leave some of your unsold mattresses around the base of the structure, and - Hey Presto - it's an adventure playground!

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Two years to fix a leak anger

Bolton News: Many pictures of an angry woman folding her arms against the backdrop of a mouldy ceiling

OK, three.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Bloody great swastika Brexit campaign anger

Southern Daily Echo: Taxi driver makes his views about the EU referendum perfectly clear.

I am told by my employers - in the name of balance - that I am not allowed to make any public announcements on my voting intentions in the forthcoming referendum. I quite like having a job, so just leaving this story here for you - dear reader - to make up your own mind.

Spotter's Badge: Ben

Rotten Apple anger (see what I did there?)

Watford Observer: Dad stages one-man protest outside Apple Store because they won't fix his daughter's MacBook

Two sides to every story: Rubbish laptop broken because of manufacturing problems vs student daughter spilled water on it.

Make your choice.

Spotter's Badge: TRT, and somebody else who didn't leave a name

Fly-tipping vermin anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Warning over vermin as a result of fly-tipping in local not-exactly-a-beauty-spot


Spotter's Badge: Karen

Giant fence one-man campaign anger

Huddersfield Daily Examiner: Man vows to carry on his ...err... unique protest against neighbour's fence until it is torn down

I know what you're thinking: Why has he crucified a garden gnome?

Spotter's Badge: Susie

Friday, April 22, 2016

Bike lane anger

Essex Echo: 'Frustrated' councillors question new bike lane

Too right he's frustrated. Look at that pocket billiards.

Spotter's Badge: Cora

Snake down the toilet anger

Solihull Observer: Six-foot-long snake found down toilet in charity shop

The photographer deserves some kind of national press award for this - work above and beyond the call of duty. Jon, you're a genius.

Spotter's Badge: Jack

Maimed by a vicious swooping bird anger

Evesham Journal: Woman suffers Huge Hand Syndrome after being pecked by seagull

Look. Look at the size of the brute.

Didn't get a free ice cream because of the rules anger

Metro: Mum takes her sadface to the papers because her 11-year-old is too young to pick up a free ice cream from McDonald's Monopoly game

*Fifty-year-old blogger tucks into free McDonald's chocolate muffin* Sucks to be you, kid.

Also, why has mum got what seems to be a picture of a penis on the front of her top?

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Paid twice for a flight anger

Belfast Telegraph: Woman in dispute with travel company after over-paying for flight tickets

Googled the company's name. They don't seem popular.

Spotter's Badge: Joe

Missing cemetery flowers anger

Essex Echo: Volunteers dismayed as contractor digs up the flowers they planted at cemetery

These plants are important. The roots are the only thing that prevents the undead rising from their graves.

Is a zombie apocalypse what these jokers want? Because that's what's going to happen.

Spotter's Badge: Justin

Council built bollards in front of our garden now we have nowhere to park anger

Bexley News Shopper: Council accused of 'bullying' for preventing couple from parking on their paved-over garden

I love these stories. You have to get to the very last two paragraphs to find out that the bollards were put in because they've not arranged to have a drop-kerb built, and were driving over the council's grass verge.

Spotter's Badge: Neil, Christina

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Bike race celebrity tramp anger

Free Press Leader: Locals upset over road closures for bicycle race

Wait, that bloke on the right looks damn familiar...

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Broken [cough] television and we [cough] can't afford a new one [cough] anger

Sunderland Echo: Couple left fuming (geddit?!) after being told their 40-per-day smoking habit is why their television broke

And the money shot is the first comment which reveals they could easily buy a new TV, if only they didn't spent ten grand a year on cigarettes.

Spotter's Badge: Anthony, Ian, Everybody

Doggers pooing in the park anger

South Wales Evening Post: Councillor wants doggers to think of the kiddiewinks and stop pooing in the park

You weirdos, at least do it in a plastic bag and fling it up a tree like all the actual dog walkers.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Monday, April 18, 2016

Owl attack bus driver throws some shapes anger

Exeter Express and Echo: Bus driver claims his bald head is singling him out for attacks by vicious eagle owl

In a previous life as a human, a bald omnibus driver once made that owl walk home because he was 10p short for his fare. Now, it is time for revenge.

Woman in background: "Nope"
Spotter's badge: Becki

Nosey Parkers Anger

Border Mail: Neighbourhood Watch chief concedes that Neighbourhood Watch isn't the force it once was

It's just him, and that badly-drawn face pinned to a pole. Thieves - fill your boots.

Spotter's Badge: Meredith

Urinating binman anger

Colchester Daily Gazette: Binman apologises to residents (including this person trying to avoid making eye contact with some garages) after taking a wee in the street

Click through if you want to see a genuine photo of binman wee. Does it look any different from wee belonging to people of other professions? YOU WILL BE AMAZED*

* No, you won't.

Spotter's Badge: Alice

Vandalised allotment sheds anger

Eastern Daily Press: Allotment holders disgruntled over vandalism to sheds

Look at this poor bloke - all he's got left of his shed is three bamboo canes tied together with hairy string.

Spotter's Badge: Dave