Thursday, December 31, 2015

Ten stories which prove Christmas was UTTERLY RUINED for everybody

Buzzfeed UK: Ten stories which prove Christmas was UTTERLY RUINED for everybody

Click through for ten stories which prove Christmas was UTTERLY RUINED for everybody.




Randy ghost anger

The NT News: Woman is convinced she is haunted by a randy ghost called Kevin

[Ectoplasm joke goes here. Got nothin']

Lingerie shop anger

Border Mail: Locals shocked - SHOCKED - that shops exist where people can buy underwear

A boudoir, in the centre of town. Whatever next?

Spotter's Badge: Meredith

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Christmas dinner utterly ruined anger

Wiltshire Times: Family's £38 per head Christmas dinner ruined by slow service and rock-hard stuffing balls

Among the highlights of this story is the fact that they got the entire group of eight people to pose outside this charming rustic pub in their Christmas jumpers.

Rock-hard stuffing balls, though.

Spotter's Badge: Hayley, Stephen, David

Banned from the bingo anger

Portsmouth News: Woman banned from bingo hall after swearing at staff over an allegedly poor-quality Christmas lunch

Tensions are running high here - there's an editorial piece by The News, and a campaign:

Spotter's Badge: Mark, Jacob

Longer wait for a bus anger

Derby Telegraph: Man 'totally inconvenienced' as company changes frequency of bus service

I understand that ownership of a 'timetable' might help end your waiting distress.

Spotter's Badge: Nowtas

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Leather kilt anger

Kent Online: Man in kilt denied entry to bar

So he went somewhere else. The end.

Spotter's Badge: Rob C

Tiny dog poo flags anger

Herts Advertiser: Group of mums going around sticking tiny flags into dog poo

Like party hors d'oeuvres. If I was a terrible dog owner, I'd be trying to collect the whole set.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Marmite Scunthorpe Problem anger

Irish Times: Ronan MacManus can't get a personalised jar of Marmite

Let's see why...

A classic example of The Scunthorpe Problem.

Bonus: He's Elvis Costello's brother.

Spotter's Badge: Stephen

Please stop crashing your cars into our pub anger

Bournemouth Echo: Please stop crashing your cars into our pub

Seriously, please stop crashing your cars into their pub.

Sunday, December 27, 2015

Blocked alleyway anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Fly-tippers prove, once again, that they are the worst people in the world

Trapped on the wrong side of the barricade, the boy starved.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Stolen lights think of the kiddiewinks anger

Colchester Daily Gazette: Grandmother urges thieves to think of the poor sad faces of the kiddiewinks following Christmas light theft

But the police are sparing no-one and have cancelled all leave to get them back, right?

"The family has not reported the theft, on December 7, to police"


Stolen pineapple anger

Essex Echo: Pineapple fountain 'probably melted down for scrap'

Let's see it in all its majesty.

 I see what happened - he nipped home to change his jumper and the thieves pounced. Rubbish guarding job, mate. Rubbish.

Saturday, December 26, 2015

Missing Jesus anger

York Press: Jesus kidnapped

He'll be back Easter Sunday, I dare say.

Coat shop anger

Oxford Mail: Warm winter means nobody is buying coats from coat shops and his makes coat shop owners sad

Look at her face. Go and buy a coat in the Boxing Day sales.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Sewage pipe burst anger

Sunshine Coast Daily: Strewth! It smells worse than a dingo's jockstrap!

That's exactly how they'd put it in Australia, honestly.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Friday, December 25, 2015

Reindeer theft anger

Bournemouth Echo: Thieves take 125 wooden reindeer from Santa's grotto

Check your naughty list Santa, that's where you'll find the culprits.

Wheelchair Santa anger

Leicester Mercury: Mum not allowed into Santa's grotto because she's in a wheelchair

Top quality gurning kid. Happy Christmas.

Spotter's Badge: Stuart

Not allowed to end of term treat anger

Kent Online: Kid not allowed to event because of poor attendance

...coming from the fact that he was run over by a car. No exceptions, says headteacher E. Scrooge.

Spotter's Badge: Neil, Rob C

Thursday, December 24, 2015

Council office toaster ban anger

Bradford Telegraph and Argus: Councillor vows "You'll take my toaster from my cold, dead hands" in fire safety row


If you love that toaster so much, why don't you marry it?

Spotter's Badge: Kevin

Monster trees anger

Oxford Mail: Councillor wants huge trees cut back

And OF COURSE the comments are all about her weight, and that's why we can't have nice things.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew, Jonathan

Charity wristband anger

Bexley News Shopper: Kid kicked out of classroom over charity wristband

Naturally, you have to read quite a long way before you find out it's not all about the wristband at all.

Spotter's Badge: Christina, Neil, Rob C

Wednesday, December 23, 2015

Idiot council workmen Christmas tree anger

Bradford Telegraph and Argus: Workmen cut down village's fully decorated and illuminated 35-foot Christmas tree by mistake

...and for the second time this Christmas.

As one commenter points out -- It's a good job they're not brain surgeons.

Spotter's Badge: David

Lollipop Santa anger

Bexley News Shopper: Lollipop man receives complaint about wearing Santa outfit with his uniform

It turns out the complaint was false --- that's his actual beard.

Spotter's Badge: Rob C

Dead people's dead leaves anger

Shields Gazette: Pensioner sick of leaves from the cemetery next door blowing into his garden

Come the Zombie Apocolypse, they'll all be clearing up their own leaves

Christmas cellar theft anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Thieves break into pub, steal Christmas supplies of spirits

And the armchair detectives all decide it's an inside job in the comments, whereby the victim turns up and threatens them with the libel laws. Well in, sir!

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Sunderland kids about to go on the Naughty List anger

Sunderland Echo: Santa and his elves pelted with eggs while collecting charity money for the kiddiewinks

Screw the kiddiewinks if that's how they behave. Take the money and spunk in on vodka and lady elves with loose morals.

Look at that face. That's an elf that's dead set to shit people up, and shit them up hard.

Spotter's Badge: Lambro

Dangerous dog anger

Knox Leader: My dog isn't dangerous, despite that nasty business about killing a cat

That people-who-look-like-their-pets thing all over again.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Contamination clear-up anger

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Probe into polluted gasworks site begins

... locals mark the occasion by standing out in the rain holding up soggy bits of paper.

Spotter's Badge: Gordy

Oh God not another stayed-too-long-in-the-supermarket-car-park fine anger

Eastern Daily Press: Mum fined for overstaying in car park because she was breast-feeding baby

Mum: I didn't see the warning sign

Car parking company: What? All 25 of them? Pay up.

Spotter's Badge: Dave

Monday, December 21, 2015

Yet another stayed-too-long-in-the-supermarket-car-park fine anger

Get Reading: Woman spends too long in supermarket car park, gets fined

That's from the same neck of the woods as my ex-wife, of whom I never speak negatively on social media. So.

Spotter's Badge: Graham

Ticket agency anger

Get Surrey: Mum buys tickets from online ticket agency, is shocked - SHOCKED - to find she's been ripped off

You go see Coldplay, you get what you deserve.

Spotter's Badge: Christina

Stolen Christmas lights anger

Gazette Live: Thieves steal woman's Christmas light display

a) Done a poo

b) "See these wires? They're still live and when I catch you, they're going under your foreskin"

Spotter's Badge: Tarquin Foxglove

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Worst defence before the beak for having a messy garden anger

Hull Daily Mail: 'I keep my garden looking like a tip to protect my family from thieves'

Guilty as charged.

Spotter's Badge: Ian

Church too loud anger Expert says church services are too loud these days

He's omnipresent for God's sake. He can hear you without an amplifier.

Spotter's Badge: Joseph

UKIP banner anger

Southampton Daily Echo: Taxi driver puts up his annual slightly offensive Christmas banner, local people not pleased

He's such a patriot that he had the Union Flag upside-down on last year's effort.

Eastleigh's not far from the sea. Get into it.

Saturday, December 19, 2015

M&S snail anger

Metro: That's not just a snail in her ready meal, that's a Marks and Spencer snail

Did they photograph her in a gas cooker showroom?

Spotter's Badge: Jess

Delayed ceiling repair anger

Harlow Star: Man's year-long wait for the council to fix his ceiling

It's a health and safety issue. Nobody wants to work near to that wallpaper.

Pissed-off parents anger

Lincolnshire Echo: Parents pissed off that kids' writing exercise contains the words 'pissed off'

"How dare they swear in front of our kids. Only we're allowed to f-ing do that."

Either that kid is tiny, or those are the biggest mum-hands I've ever seen.

Spotter's Badge: Andy, Jess

Friday, December 18, 2015

Droopy Christmas tree anger

Hull Daily Mail: Wilting Christmas tree 'making Goole a laughing stock'

FACT: People from Goole are called Goolies. Don't let them convince you otherwise.

German sausage anger

Freie Presse (in German): Sausage maestro loses bid to patent sausage with built-in mustard

What do those pencil-necked desk-driving geeks in the patent office know? This is the greatest invention since the sausage with the built-in popping candy.

Spotter's Badge: Malte

Illegal motorcycles anger

Melton Leader: Motorcyclists 'turning woodlands into a dustbowl'

And if you don't stop, George R R Martin is going to shit you up.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Thursday, December 17, 2015

A Year in Angry People in Local Newspapers

Buzzfeed UK: The year's best from Angry People in Local Newspapers

Twelve months of fury, and it took me bloody ages to write. Don't make me come round your house and point at things in a sullen manner.

Housing development gas mask anger

Rugby Advertiser: Residents don't want 800 new homes near them

"I'm not really a welder, you know"

Spotter's Badge: Rob J