Wednesday, March 04, 2015

Pub closure anger, along with my half-arsed political theory

Cambridge News: MP joins protest against pub closure

And here's my half-arsed theory on why pubs are important:

Pubs are closing at an alarming rate. Every time a pub closes, pub bores are suddenly cast out onto the streets with nowhere else to go.

Without unsuspecting pub patrons to bore to tears with their ideas on how Britain is being run into the ground (usually starting with the words "I'm not racist, but..."), they instead club together with other former pub bores and start organising themselves. This organisation has taken the name "UKIP". The rise of this party can be charted directly against the decline of the British public house.

Therefore, it is our patriotic duty to stop the closure of British pubs and ensure that these people are kept safe in their proper surroundings: Slightly drunk and away from positions of power in the saloon bar of their local.

Save the British pub, and you save Britain.

Spotter's Badge: Kate


Gonzoland said...

Pear tree? More like a plant adorned with used condoms.

Kevin Friery said...

Oh yes, that lot. Usually Kip In Pubs

Andrew Grover said...

No, they clearly just seek out the comments board of blogs and local papers, and... Oh