Stolen birthday money anger

Bournemouth Echo: Thieving postie should be hacked into very small pieces and his body left out for the birds, says birthday cash theft victim

The easy way to find the culprit is for the police to send a few likely-looking cards through the post containing £20 notes infected with rabies. All they have to do is wait for a postman to die of rabies and – presto! – they've got their thief. Another successful detection for the government stats, and no time wasted on court appearances – everyone's a winner!