Spent too long on a coach anger

Metro: Couple who went on a coach trip to Scotland complain that they spent too much time on a coach

Yeah, that's how long-distance coach holidays work, you maroons.

Spotter's Badge: Richard, Charlotte, Everybody

Please don't ban us from our terrible local anger

Metro: Duo complain so much about their local that they are shocked - SHOCKED - to find themselves banned

That's a fine Bat Utility Belt you have there. Are you Batman?

Spotter's Badge: Izzy

Cat poo protein pot anger

Metro: Woman claims she found cat poo in her Tesco protein pot

It's not cat poo. It's protein. Pure protein. Cat flavoured.

Spotter's Badge: Angela, TRT

Didn't get a free ice cream because of the rules anger

Metro: Mum takes her sadface to the papers because her 11-year-old is too young to pick up a free ice cream from McDonald's Monopoly game

*Fifty-year-old blogger tucks into free McDonald's chocolate muffin* Sucks to be you, kid.

Also, why has mum got what seems to be a picture of a penis on the front of her top?

Spotter's Badge: Chris

Dinner set anger again

Metro: Woman's dinner service arrives in 29 boxes

If you think you have seen this before, you are correct.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Carrier bag tax anger

Metro: Man charged 5p carrier bag fee despite only filling his car up with petrol

And how - pray - is he going to carry that petrol home?

Spotter's Badge: Amy

Misguided All-chocolate Kitkat anger

Metro: Student achieves the holy grail - EIGHT Kitkats without a wafer - yet still she complains

That's the trouble with kids these days. They don't know they're born.

[People say I'm a born liar, but I once had an all-chocolate Chunky Kitkat. True story, bro.]

M&S snail anger

Metro: That's not just a snail in her ready meal, that's a Marks and Spencer snail

Did they photograph her in a gas cooker showroom?

Spotter's Badge: Jess

Animal bumsex anger

Metro: Mum's 'Animal' pyjamas missing a couple of vital letters round the back of the waistband

I usually try to think of something funny to go here. Words cannot do this story justice, so you're on your own.

Fish factory fire clothes peg on the nose anger

Metro: Never mind the story, SHE'S GOT A CLOTHES PEG ON HER NOSE

A clothes peg on her nose and a plastic bag full of dead flies. This is what we on APILN call paydirt.

SHE'S GOT A CLOTHES PEG ON HER NOSE.

Spotter's Badge: Dan

Music venue anger

Metro Winnipeg: Fears for local music venue as it falls under new owners

You are Michael Stipe out of REM and I claim my five pounds.

Spotter's Badge: Grant

Glued to my own front door anger

Metro: Somebody glued me to my front door, and it wasn't nice

Meanwhile, in North Korea...

Spotter's Badge First Class: Cathryn, Jim

Emoticons bill anger

Metro: Woman left with huge phone bill for using emoticons

:-(

Mystery beeping anger

Metro: Couple smash up home trying to silence mystery beeping noise

That picture should be in the National Gallery. Just perfect

Spotter's Badge: Beth, Alex

Obergruppenfuhrer anger

Metro: Pub landlord gets visit from police after dressing in Nazi uniform

That'll teach you for invading Poland

Spotter's Badge: Josh

ASBO anger

Metro: Elderly ravers threatened with ASBO by council officials

Bloody senile delinquents.

Spotter's Badge: Colin

Golden Arches anger

Metro: Mum's fury as McDonald's Happy Meal comes with cigarette

Too right. She wanted the Hamburglar lighter as well.

Spotter's badge: Julia

"I don't want to send my child to a concentration camp"

Metro: Fury as naughty pupils locked in cupboard

Luxury.

When I was a kid, they'd stick us in t'coalhole and keep us there for a whole week just for speaking out of turn before flogging us within an inch of our lives. And we were thankful if they spared our lives.

(And a big "Up yours" to the Clacton and Frinton Gazette for not bothering to put pictures on their website)

Spotter: Sally Draper