This is why we love the Northern Echo - top, top pointing at a hole big enough to house a small central European nation from one of our finest regional titles.
Once again our pals at the Waltham Forest Guardian lead the way in artistic angry photography, pointing out the crux of the problem: Ms Angry's flat is built on the side of a hill.
If all else fails, my advice is to follow the leader of the council home and crap through his letterbox, it being the only language these curs understand.
* Yes, I realised how filthy this sounds the moment I wrote it. That's why I haven't changed a word
Guilty secret: Our summer holiday in sunny Frinton-on-Sea would not be complete unless we could break into an unlocked beach hut and enjoy the facilities.
Help the local fuzz in the West Country nail this scrote who has been taking things that don't belong to him. Talk him into turning himself in, getting a decent haircut so he doesn't look like my dog.
We don't really like doing shots of victims of crime as it appears we might be mocking them. Which we are not. However, this story cannot pass without noting the superbly-posed shot.
If anyone knows who did this crime, the usual advice applies: Rip their heads off and pour HP Sauce down their necks. That is all.
There was a young woman from Bristol Something somethingty pistol She trod in a turd And wrote something absurd Something else that rhymes with Bristol.
Those of you who have got past this superb bunch-of-fives photo and have clicked through to the story will be rewarded with the news that the shop in question is called "E Suck Butchers".
Look at it from the Council's side. They told everybody that the grit was for road use only. But they HAD to kick the arse out of it and use it for their budgies. They've only got themselves to blame.