Halloween fake knife think of the kiddiewinks anger

Coventry Telegraph: Mum furious that teenage daughter was able to buy a toy plastic knife from Poundland

Kiddiewinks could get into trouble when trick-or-treating, she says. Think of the kiddiewinks.

Spotter's Badge: Hazel

Kid doesn't like cheese anger

Nottingham Post: Mum wants school to stop serving her son meals with cheese in them because he doesn't like cheese and he doesn't have it at home, apart from this block, which is just a photographer's prop to show how much he doesn't like cheese in the most literal manner possible

The poor, poor little snowflake.

Spotter's Badge: James

Deadly ceiling anger

Bexley News Shopper: 'Collapsing ceiling could have killed me TO DEATH'

Strong pointing skills, I might have missed the tiny, tiny hole otherwise.

Spotter's Badge: Neil, Rob C

Dangerous zebra crossing anger

Wolverhampton Express and Star: Campaign against dangerous road crossings

As it's Halloween, here's a woman with a freakishly large right hand

Spotter's Badge: Laura

Poopyhead anger - A 7,000th post spectacular

Plymouth Herald: Is this the most pooed on man in Plymouth?

In the words of Radiohead: Such a pretty house, such a pretty garden 

 If that was in London, they'd be charging a couple of million for the rustic, shit-stained charm.

Health and safety gone mad anger, again

Oxford Mail: Blood donation sessions cancelled due to four-inch step up to community centre, which could prove fatal for people prone to nosebleeds

DONE A POO

Spotter's Badge: Duncan, Jonathan, Richard

Pirate prisoner anger

Bristol Post: Man claims he's a prisoner on his 'own' pirate ship, which he definitely owns, please don't listen to my sister who says she does because women can't be pirate captains or something

And if there's any doubt about his status as a pirate captain, he has his own hat.

Seems legit.

Spotter's Badge: Andrew

Health and Safety gone maaaaaad anger

Abingdon Herald: Fire extinguishers to be removed from locks on the River Thames to stop people putting themselves in danger if there's an accident

Sounds like a well thought out policy that can't go wrong in any way at all.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Halloween contact lenses anger

Coventry Telegraph: Are you some kind of idiot? Why not glue cheapo novelty contact lenses to your eyes this Halloween?

Hideous agony, sickening 'Friday the 13th-style' eye injuries guaranteed, only ten pounds a pop.

Spotter's Badge: Hazel

Hit-and-run anger

Bournemouth Echo: Did anyone see who did this to my car?

It'll buff out.

No benches anger

Plymouth Herald: Man wants to know what's happened to all the benches on Plymouth Hoe

And to prove it, here's a picture of no benches

Damn, he's right.

New bus stop anger

Derby Telegraph: Residents object to new bus stop outside their homes

Hey! You kids! Haven't you heard of the Green Cross Code?

Spotter's Badge: Antony

New homes anger

Kent Online: Plucky kids avoid getting run over by combine harvester

You in the middle: Yellow on light brown doesn't work. Try again.

Spotter's Badge: Tony

Biker discrimination anger

Illawarra Mercury: Cops turn up mob-handed to local group's bike and tattoo show

Who's the best? Fourth Reich Motorcycle Club or the Police Strike Force Raptor squad? Only one way to find out... 

 Spotter's Badge: Ian

Dog poop anger

Bexhill Observer: Man steals Nigel Farage's clothes, helps launch dog mess campaign

Where have I seen those eyes before? Oh yes.

Hipster burger anger

Portsmouth News: Restaurant taken to court over right to sell pink meat

You on the left - UP YOUR BEARD GAME.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

Broke the first rule of Council Tax Club

Hull Daily Mail: Resident complains to council that she's paying more council tax than her neighbours. Council agrees, unintended consequences

I bet she's off the Christmas card list.

Spotter's Badge: Ian, Dan

Bugger off Col. Sanders anger

Bromley News Shopper: Locals say 'no' to new KFC drive-thru

Roll forward a year or so, and they'll all be saying yes to large fries with their chicken meal

(And - of course - there's think of the kiddwinkism involved)

Spotter's Badge: Rob C

Mouldy McMuffin anger

Nottingham Post: Man says he got food poisoning from McDonald's

A classic in the "First we've heard of this" genre. But look at him holding his poor, messed up guts.

Spotter's Badge: Michael

Too much homework from Hogwarts anger

Melbourne Herald Sun: Hermione Grainger complains that the new Defence Against the Dark Arts master is setting her far too much homework, sends curs-ed ball of paper to block up the staff toilets in revenge

And I think the Sorting Hat got it wrong. She's 100% Slytherin.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Bright streetlights anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Family 'losing sleep' after new street lights installed

Try these new-fangled 'window blankets' everybody's talking about. I understand that these things otherwise known as 'curtains' will help block out the light.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Bus station anger

East Anglia Daily Times: Bury St Edmunds bus station faces changes

Councillor Nettleton was busy, so they sent a cardboard cut-out

Spotter's Badge: David

Lottery scam anger

Bury Times: Don't fall for this lottery scam, publicly-spirited chap says

The signature on the letter is worth a close-up

Baron Wheels, President. Seems legit.

Home Office being bell-ends anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Woman who has lived in the UK since 1968 has to prove she's British

1968: The same year she started growing that patch of moss on her sofa.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Priceless collection of beer cans anger

Lincolnshire Echo: Council refusing to take away the 200 beer cans this chap found

That'll server you right for caring for your community and clearing up after the local shitgibbons, won't it?

Thieving from the Guides anger

Waverley Leader: Some no-good dag has stolen these Guides' camping gear

I know that look. Somebody's going to get shitted up.

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Backward bus shelter anger

Lancashire Telegraph: Bus shelter 'a danger to passengers'

He's right - it's actually a giant fish tank, and this shot was taken seconds before they filled it with sharks.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Uncollected rubbish anger

Ham and High Express: Rubbish sacks 'make Highgate look like a third world country'

It's nothing like a third world country. More like a post-nuclear wasteland.

Spotter's Badge: Pat

That's not a golf cart anger

Hull Daily Mail: Golfer not allowed to take his disability scooter out on the course

Actually, yes. This one's ridiculous.

Spotter's Badge: L0wey

Waste rules fine anger

Manchester Evening News: Couple fined for not having a waste contract for their laundry business

... like every other business in the country has by law.

The pictures turn out to be from a previous court case. Oh go on, have another one.

Interestingly, I bought my house from a bloke who owned a launderette. He left behind stacks of filthy fetish porn on top of the built-in wardrobes, where any kiddiewink armed with a stepladder could have found it.

Over-zealous parking wardens anger

Bolton News: Traffic wardens 'driving our custom away'

You say 'over-zealous', the council says 'doing their job, suck it'.

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Supermarket doughnut ban anger

Birmingham Mail: Shopper banned from supermarket after furious row over 47p packet of doughnuts

"I phoned Morrison's and told them I was prepared to demonstrate outside the store and they told me I’d be removed."

Go on, man, DO IT. The world sees us as a soft touch because of people saying they'd demonstrate outside a supermarket and then didn't.

Spotter's Badge: Alex

No inheritance anger

Bristol Post: Man upset that his dead mum's house has been left to charities

This story wins some sort of award for weirdest opening sentence:

"Every ten years, Steve Allen used to celebrate his birthday with his mother in the very room that he was born in a Bristol townhouse"

Spotter's Badge: Rob A

Job interview anger

Manchester Evening News: Candidate asked in job interview to argue the merits of celebrity paedophile Jimmy Savile

The inevitable pay-off: "The individual concerned has been the subject of a formal disciplinary process."

Spotter's Badge: Tom

Difficult parking anger

Bolton News: Old people blame young people for bad parking

Not thinking much of this year's Bolton Fashion Week

Spotter's Badge: Karen

Complex poo anger

Oxford Mail: Councillor says sewage plans for new estate 'are too complicated'

My own sewage plans are complicated enough (they involve opening a window and spraying air freshener to all four corners of the bathroom), so I don't blame you.

Spotter's Badge: Rob H

Motorcycle angriness

Sunshine Coast Daily: Biker has near miss

That's no biker --- it's Kylie!

Spotter's Badge: Rob J

Dodgy tattoo removal kit anger

Bromsgrove Advertiser: Woman buys £15 tattoo removal kit over the internet, turns out pretty much as you'd expect

Today's lesson: Don't buy shonky tattoo removal kits over the internet for £15. You will end up wearing a stupid hat in your local newspaper.

Spotter's Badge: Tim

Brown bin frustration anger

Bexley News Shopper: Widow waits over a month for a new brown bin for her garden waste

I've never heard it called that before.

Spotter's Badge: Neil

Fly tipping up my back alley anger

Portsmouth News: Locals fed up with increase in fly-tipping

As one commenter points out, the unlimited fines for this offence are clearly not working, and we should bring back hanging.

Spotter's Badge: Jonathan

It's a Bittersweet Symphony This Life anger

Shropshire Star: Guitar player from The Verve finds The Man is going to build 300 homes behind his house

Not such a Lucky Man after all

Spotter's Badge: Michelle

Twin bus pass anger

Lancashire Telegraph: One twin told to hand back her school bus pass

Can you tell which one it is?

Spotter's Badge: Karen